Holy Smoke!

Why should the Pope be expected to apologise for quoting a 14th Century Christian emperor who said the Prophet Muhammad had brought the world only "evil and inhuman" things?

English ignorance, Scottish arrogance!

Why does David Cameron think the English are "ignorant of Scots and Scotland"?

Safety first!

A new law comes into force on 18 September 2006, which the government says could save up to 2,000 children per year from death or injury in road accidents.

Ministers have rejected a proposal to reduce the blood-alcohol limit for drivers under 25 who "are more likely than older drivers both to have road accidents and to fail alcohol tests".

Office Christmas Party!

Does the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs have a riotous Christmas Party each year!!?

Some achievements, some brass!

Gordon Brown hailed Mr Blair's achievements, listing Northern Ireland, hospitals and schools, high employment and economic stability as highlights.

Schools support small business!

Should schools have exclusive school uniform agreements that support small local suppliers or let them be undercut by supermarkets that threaten "High Street choice"!?!

As consumers, we may be benefiting in the short term from the low prices and the attractive offer that supermarkets can present to us, but in 10, 15, 20 years time, the prices we pay for our... supermarket goods, may actually be rather higher than we would wish. - Philip Hollobone, MP for Kettering.

Anonymous assault

Why is the complainant whose imaginary assault led to a five year prison sentence for Warren Blackwell to remain anonymous?

Will she be charged with wasting Police time!?!

The court recommended that the complainant's details be shared with police forces across the country in case she tried to repeat the accusations.

Uninsured drivers

A teenager who killed a doctor while driving without a licence or insurance has been jailed for four years.

"I hope the sentence passed on this man will make others think long and hard before getting into a car and driving without a licence or insurance." - Sgt Pete Jell, of Thames Valley Police.

Unfortunately for the Sergeant, motorists caught driving without insurance on average receive a fine of £150 and three penalty points. Hardly enough to deter anyone!

If all motorists caught driving without insurance were jailed for four years, would Dr Margaret Davison still be alive?

Skills shortages?

Apart from driving, what skills gap does blind, eight fingered Omad Aziz fill in the UK economy?

The defendant, who has just three fingers on his right hand and suffers from leg tremors and is partially deaf, receives £520-a-month in incapacity benefit.

How many job opportunities does Omad provide to Social Services!?!

Oh no!

A national strike involving hundreds of thousands of workers is almost certain to go ahead.

If public sector workers are unhappy with a 2% pay rise, why not resign and get a job in the private sector rather than make strike threats?

The Ruth is out there!

How can "flexible working, time-share and good quality part-time work" be "worth up to £23bn to the UK economy"!?!

"My message to business is clear, this is not about political correctness, this is about improving your profit margins." - Ruth Kelly.

If such plans did improve profit margins, businesses would already have adopted the plans!

Will Ruth's plans also be available to men?

Gnome sweet gnome!

Are Police guilty of harassment if they wake a householder up at nearly midnight to warn him that a gnome in his garden is considered offensive by neighbours?

Would the Police be so concerned if the neighbour didn't happen to be a former Policeman himself!?!

Single White Men

"Most of our media, our schools and our workplaces and so on are to some extent geared to the interests of single white men." - Trevor Phillips.

Oh yeah? So how did a married black man become the first chairman of the new equalities commission!?!

Mr Phillips "had previously opposed the new commission" but clearly found a £160,000-a-year post too tempting and did a 'Neil Kinnock'...

Something to celebrate?

"When I see a Muslim woman wearing a headscarf or a hijab, I don't feel threatened, I celebrate it." - Ruth Kelly MP.

"In some areas, 70% of the population of a school can be from an ethnic background." - Steve Acklam, Chief Executive of School Governors' One-Stop Shop.

Not cricket!

How likely is it that Dalbir Singh, 18, will be found and deported by the authorities having disappeared whilst on a school cricket tour from the Punjab?

Why would he only be "recommended for deportation"!?!

Statements...

"British citizens who happen to be born Muslim have to accept responsibility for the anger there is against Islam."

"British citizens who happen to be born Jews have to accept responsibility for the anger there is against Israel or America."

Which statement is unacceptable?

Which statement was made by Labour MP Denis McShane?

Save our jobs!

Would Labour MPs be less fearful of losing their jobs were Tony Blair to remain as leader if they were paid the average annual UK salary of £24,000pa rather than £59,000pa!?!

Depressed Prisoners

Why should any prisoners be given anti-depressant drugs?

Prisons are supposed to be depressing places to be!

Buying Public Sector Votes?

Will an "unambiguous commitment" to increase public sector expenditure by the Conservative party lead to better public services or merely more pay for civil servants?

More vegetables?

How will pupils benefit from cooking lessons?

When 38.4% of GCSE English students earned a 'D' grade or less and 45.7% of GCSE Maths students earned a 'D' grade or less this year, they won't even be able to read the recipes!

More vegetables anyone!?!

Britain "better than 20 years ago"?

If Britain was better now than it was twenty years ago when Mrs. Thatcher was Prime Minister, would the BBC fail to mention it?

Schools out!

Why hasn't Ruth Kelly already shut down the Jameah Islameah Islamic school at Mark Cross?

Whilst Police search it as part of an on-going anti-terror investigation, the Chairman of the Association of Muslim Schools in the UK, Dr Muhammed Mukadam, reveals that:

"it hasn't been registered by Ofsted and therefore technically speaking it shouldn't be operating as a school at all."

Trouble makers!

Will Labour reduce the benefits available to teenage mums to discourage them from becoming pregnant in the first place if they are raising "tomorrow's potential troublemakers"!?!

Uniform savings!

"Expensive school uniforms cause worry for parents in low-income families and can leave their children feeling isolated and the target of bullies. - Helen Dent, Chief Executive of the Family Welfare Association.

Maybe low-income parents could save some money by giving up cigarettes, alcohol and fast food joints for a couple of weeks!

Green fingered!

If George Osborne MP, shadow chancellor, wants to increase the proportion of revenue taken from "green" taxes, he could always reduce non-green taxes!

Unfortunately, he seems intent on out-taxing Labour!

"I think the question George Osborne failed to answer is: is he really saying that he thinks taxes on motorists should be going up now at a time when petrol prices are so high?" - Economic secretary to the Treasury, Ed Balls MP (Labour!)

All equal before the law?

If Keith Davis had stabbed his wife to death with a bread knife at their home in East Sussex, would he only have been jailed for three years?

Would it have made any difference if they had only been married two years, they had a volatile relationship and they had been drinking alcohol that afternoon even though they were supposed to be looking after their three year old grandson?

Prison populations

"Someone who does not know any black families would find it hard to understand the anger surrounding the over-representation of black men in jails" - Trevor Phillips, chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality.

Are these 'black men' innocent or have they been convicted in a court of law?

Have their crimes affected the local community?

"I'm sorry, but you should understand that as black men are over-represented in prison, Joel Smith will go free. We've got targets you know...."

Government extremism?

How likely is it that the Government would ever close a Muslim school that promoted "isolationism" and "extremism"?

Are such claims by Ruth Kelly merely to create good headlines!?!

Obesism

If the British Fertility Society consider that obese women should be denied IVF treatment as they "are less likely to get pregnant and more likely to encounter health problems", are they guilty of blatant obesism? They have potentially offended 13m adults in England!

Can obese women obtain a tax refund if they are denied treatment!?!

Do they withold treatment to smokers or those relying on state benefits?

Unfunded tax cuts?

If Gordon Brown can fund public sector expenditure by an ever increasing budget deficit, why should he be disturbed by "unfunded tax cuts"!?!

Health priorities?

Up to 50 children aged under two in Wales and England die from pneumococcal infections each year.

Does England offer every child up to the age of two the pneumococcal disease vaccine or will it only be available for Welsh children?

A duty to stamp out poor tax cuts!

A report in The Sunday Times newspaper says one in five Britons - the equivalent of 10m adults - say they are considering leaving the country because they feel they are paying too much tax.

Will they stay if Conservatives cut stamp duty on share purchases or if they propose substantial cuts in income!?!

General Election victory?

At which General election did the UK electorate vote for ever increasing levels of immigration?

High-level community orders

Why were only 21% of adults in England and Wales jailed when they were sentenced for shoplifting?

Will "high level community orders" deter them from shoplifting rather than jail?

How many of the 14,000 fines issued for shop lifting were actually paid in 2005?

Institutionally Incompetent?

Are the Metropolitan Police "Institutionally incompetent" rather than "Institutionally racist"!?!

A quote

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. - John Stuart Mill - Courtesy of House of Dumb.

Another Commission!

The Commission on Integration and Cohesion starts work in September and will tour the UK, looking at how towns, cities and communities tackle challenges such as segregation and social or economic divisions between different ethnic groups.

How likely is it that the Commission will conclude that there should be an annual limit on immigration?

Update to assuage Alfie's fears: "The Commission will be headed by Darra Singh, the leader of Ealing Council, and its 13 other commissioners include academics, youth activists, academics and representatives of the police, trade unions, business, local government, voluntary groups and the Interfaith Network.

..and no one from the wider indigenous population!

MPs' pay

Will MPs' pay be undercut by the influx of immigrants or are they safely immune to pay competition!?!

Cameron's own Pole

Will David Cameron ensure more Polish candidates are short-listed by local Conservative Associations so that 600,000 immigrants are represented in Parliament!?!

If we do not have proper representation of women and black and ethnic minority candidates in Parliament, we will be missing out on huge amounts of talent. - David Cameron

Indian Healthcare

Why should Britain commit £252m to save the lives of 1 million Indian children each year when India would rather spend $3.3bn on it's space programme?

Labour's dirty little secret?

If one of Labour's priorities is wealth re-distribution, why does the Treasury dismiss Stephen Byers' call to scrap inheritance tax as a "necessary means of raising revenue for public services" rather than funding those on benefits!?!

First choice?

It is not just Muslims who end up getting bombed or killed. Foreign policy just seems to be lacking a humanitarian dimension. - Zarina Javed of Huddersfield.

When will Zarina stop considering herself to be Muslim first and British second but rather British first, Muslim second?

US aid

Why is America bothering to help the Lebanon with $230m of aid?

No one in the Middle East will be grateful!

Benefits of prison?

How did prisoners receive £13m of jobseekers allowance and other benefits over the last three years when they should only qualify for payments by signing in every other week!?!

Travelling whilst white & working class

Did Chief Superintendent Ali Dizaei oppose the profiling of potential English football hooligans during the World Cup in June?

Grammar school success?

32.4% of all A-levels earned in Northern Ireland were 'A' grades compared to an average of just 24% across the rest of the UK.

Will Northern Ireland's performance fall when Grammar schools in the province are scrapped!?!

Not crap

"Rumours that I said American foreign policy in the Middle East is crap are crap" - John Prescott perhaps!?!

Immigrant welfare

What does the Joint Council for the Welfare of Immigrants think about triple killer Rohan Chung who used the old "missed the flight" ruse to overstay his welcome in the UK?

Chung, 30, had been deported twice from the UK to Jamaica but managed to return using false names.

The 'I' word?

Why is the BBC unable to say what has caused "growth in the working age population" to explain the continuing rise in the UK's unemployment rate?

Could it be immigration!?!

Poor Joe

If "Joseph" fled to the Gambia to escape war-torn Sierra Leone, why was he allowed to seek asylum in Britain when he was already safe!?!

How will "Joseph" find his wife by living in a council flat in Manchester!?!

Prison release

Why is the Home Office not prepared to deport foreign prisoners early if they need to free up cells in overcrowded prisons?

Pardon me?

When will the Ministry of Defence pardon the 1,000 UK troops who have deserted since the start of the Iraq war?

Sets 'can make teachers feel thick'

Research suggests that teachers placed in charge of high-ability sets at secondary schools often feel stigmatised as "thick" according to a new study!

Many trainee teachers are struggling to pass tests in numeracy, literacy and information technology.

Hezbollah's hollow victory?

If Hezbollah are "hoist[ing] the banner of victory" following the month-long conflict with Israel, why is Britain sending an extra £6m in aid to the Lebanon rather than Israel?

Student debt

What are the average debt levels of Welsh and Scottish students? Only English undergraduates can owe £9,000 in tuition fees over three years?

Outrageous!

If some Muslims are sufficiently "outraged" at plans to use passenger profiling at Britain's airports, will they, erm, blow themselves up!?!

Squatters' responsibilities

Why should the taxpayer subsidise a squatter who has managed to spend nearly all of a £710k windfall in just two years?

He has £50,000 left which will allow him to pay the rent on his two-bedroom Hampstead flat for another two years.

What's the point in investing the money in property or something like that?

Did his generosity encompass paying twenty years worth of council tax!?!

Proud to be British?

A lot of the kids involved are from third-generation unemployed families and some of them have been asking their youth workers why Polish people need to come here, why they can’t stay in their own country. - Spokesman for Moray Council, planning to send teenage troublemakers to Poland to learn about tolerance.

The politics of terror

"No government worth its salt would stay in power in my view, and no government worth its salt, would be supported by the British people if our foreign policy or any other aspect of policy was being dictated by terrorists."

"That is not the British way, it is antithetical to our very central values. We decide things in this country by democracy, not under the threat of terrorism." - John Reid, Home Secretary.

In other news:
The IRA 'has ceased its criminality'

Tough A-levels?

There is a general misconception that the 'A' level has become impossible to fail and that A grades are handed out like sweets - Schools Minister Jim Knight.

"National figures are likely to show that almost all passed, with about 23% of entries being awarded the top grade."

Airline Security

Fears grow that Government restrictions on hand luggage have gone too far!

Collective Punishment?

Are all air passengers being penalised because the Government is not prepared to use racial and religious profiling when identifying high risk passengers?

NHS Direct

NHS Direct needs to save £15m, close 12 call centres and cut 800 jobs if it is to become "more effective and efficient".

Who let it become ineffective and inefficient? It was only created in 1997!

Carbon Audits

The results of the carbon audit for 10, Downing Street are exclusively available here!

Fairly good

Installation of energy efficient light bulbs.

Turning down thermostats.

Very bad

Holiday in Barbados the next day.

Caravan rustlers

Why are Police taking no further action against three individuals who stole a caravan yet were spotted and chased by a neighbour flying a microlight!?!

Iraqi terror threat?

What prevents the BBC from mentioning the religious background of Rauf Mohammed, an "Iraqi man [who] 'filmed terror targets'"? around London?

Should there be an independent judicial inquiry into radicalisation of young Iraqis?

Traffic congestion goes pop!

Should the Government have a policy on population growth if it is looking at ways of reducing traffic congestion?

Victory for Bloggers!

Why is the BBC unable to provide links to blogs "which scrutinise media coverage of the Middle East for bias" following news that Reuters have removed doctored photos taken by freelance journalist Adnan Hajj?

Shadow Economy?

The Times reports that bonuses will be available for Olympic contractors who employ a pre-agreed percentage of black and ethnic minority employees.

How can contractors earn the bonus if it is illegal to only recruit black and ethnic minority workers?

What happens if the skills base of the local black and ethnic minority are not appropriate for the job vacancies?

Air tax

How can the "poorest in society" afford to holiday abroad if they are 'struggling' on benefits!?!

Limited discrimination

If Met. Police Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur recognises that "some young Muslims are becoming radicalised", why is he surprised that "passenger profiling" may "indirectly discriminat[e] against Muslims"?

Limited resources must always be used as efficiently and effectively as possible.

Union Pay

The TUC have launched a website so that employees can compare their pay and pensions with those of their bosses.

Why have they excluded the pay and pensions details of trades unions!?!

Champagne Socialist?

How will former Scottish Socialist party leader Tommy Sheridan spend his £200,000 windfall?

Will he give the money to charity, use it to reduce Scottish poverty or spend it on a deluxe gold-plated game of Scrabble!?!

The Scottish Socialist Party is Scotland’s trail-blazing, anti-establishment party. We reject the bland conformism of the mainstream parties who accept without question a economic system built on privilege, inequality and greed. - Scottish Socialist Party website.

Bankrupt Britain?

Does Gordon Brown empathise with the ever increasing number of people being driven into bankruptcy?

Soft on crime, soft on the causes of crime?

Why have plans to double the sentencing powers of magistrates been delayed?

Are their too few prison places to accommodate the new arrivals?

Unreasonable spending?

If John Charman believes that £20m is "impossible for any reasonable person to spend in their lifetime", why is he worried about a £48m divorce settlement that leaves him with just £83m!?!

Flash in the pan Gordon

What is Gordon Brown's view on the current Middle East crisis?

Hiding behind the shield of paternity leave is not appropriate for someone with serious pretensions of succeeding Tony Blair as Prime Minister and leader of the Labour Party.

He should be demonstrating his leadership credentials during the current crisis, not his cowardice.

"Bloody awful" schools

Is it better to have a few "bloody awful" schools with "bloody awful" pupils or many "awful" schools, each with enough "awful" pupils to disrupt the educational progress of everyone else?

Voting with their feet?

Why would anyone want to leave the United Kingdom after nine years of Labour Governments?

Young people were the most likely to want to leave, with a quarter saying they were hoping to live abroad.

When asked why they would go, the most important reasons were a better quality of life.

According to official figures, record numbers of people have been emigrating with 350,000 having left in 2004 - up a third on ten years.

Indefinitely short

How can a serial sex attacker be jailed 'indefinitely' if he will be eligible for parole in just two-and-a-half years time!?!

How long must he wait before being transferred to an open prison?

Prison hospitals...

What discourages one-third of female prisoners from being reconvicted within two years? The fear of returning to prison or are they simply not caught re-offending!?!

Closing prisons to stop re-offending is like closing hospitals to reduce waiting lists!

Zimbabwe's opposition

Why do Zimbabweans with links to opposition parties ever claim asylum in the UK?

It should be easier for them to continue their struggle from a neighbouring country rather than living thousands of miles away with their colonial oppressors!

Health cheque!

Why was there a nine month wait for Roy Thayer's angioplasty treatment at the Hammersmith Hospital NHS Trust when they could operate privately immediately!?!

Doctors told the father of two he risked a fatal heart attack at any time.

but

he would have been seen on the NHS earlier if his condition was thought to be urgent...

PS: Will the Hammersmith Hospital NHS Trust be tightening up on it's credit control in future!?!

Compensation payments

£800,000: Compensation for Helen Green, whose colleagues stonewalled her, laughed in her face, blew raspberries and told her: "You stink".

£110,000: Compensation for Martine Wright, who lost both legs in the terrorist attacks in London last July.

Occupancy tax

Do single people need to pay an 'Occupancy tax' to encourage them to live more 'space-efficiently'?

Single people are currently penalised for living ineffiently as they only receive a 25% discount on council tax whilst there is no single occupancy discount for the TV licence either!

Lies, damn lies and Labour

Does the BBC keep a record of the frequency with which Government Ministers are unavailable for interview on Radio 4's 'PM' when the news is negative? Is the frequency increasing?

No one was available from the Ministry of Defence to answer accusations that the lack of body-armour in Iraq had resulted in the death of a British soldier.

No one was available from the Home Office to answer fears that UK public services could be overwhelmed by Bulgarian and Romanian immigrants next year.

Two refusals in one day, it could be a new record!

Number Crunching

1,000 Corrupt Prison Officers
1 Corrupt Immigration Official

Tax strike

If 12,000 jobs may be cut at HM Revenue and Customs, why are only 8,000 of them going on strike!?!

Conservative support

What are the Conservative party policies that 39% of the UK electorate apparently support!?!

Nope, I couldn't think of any either!

Pity Vis!

Will the Labour MP for Golders Green, Dr Rudi Vis, be defending Israel's actions as strongly as the Labour MP for Blackburn, Jack Straw, attacks them on behalf of his constituents!?!

Affairs fair!

Why was Tracey Temple given two months paid leave following the disclosure of her affair with John Prescott? She is supposed to be a civil servant working for us!

The Sunday Times reports that whilst Tracey's career has been sidelined to a role just "opening envelopes", John Prescott's career has been sidelined to a role running the country...

Has Tracey got a strong case for constructive dismissal if she resigns? How much will that cost the taxpayer!?!

British Foreign Policy

Should Her Majesty's Government determine British foreign policy based upon the wishes of the UK's muslim population?

Muslim peer Baroness Uddin told Today she thought the majority of people in the UK - "not just Muslims" - were opposed to Mr Blair's stance on the Middle East crisis.

British foreign policy is not anti-Muslim but that is, increasingly, a challenging argument to make. - Sadiq Khan MP

All power to the complainants

How can one anonymous complainaint have the authority to halt a forty year old annual event supported by three thousand people raising funds for the RNLI?

If anyone objected to the complainant's actions, would they be heeded!?!

Look who's smiling now!

Denmark may be "the happiest place on Earth", but with Europe's strictest immigration laws, you may find it difficult to move there!

Locked out

How many 'non-key workers ' can afford to buy a property in Gerrards Cross, Weybridge, Kensington and Chelsea, Ascot or Sevenoaks!?!

'Key workers' should not have an automatic right to live somewhere convenient to work, private sector workers don't!

Would 'key workers' forego some of their pension rights to boost their current pay!?!

That's not life!

Why are any registered sex offenders serving life terms kept in open prisons!?!

Bike Tax

If London's cyclists are forced to fit numberplates to their bikes, how much will it cost to register your bike?

Who will fund the Cycle database?

How much will the fine be for not displaying a numberplate?

How will they catch you if the authorities are currently unable to stop cyclists riding on pavements or going through red lights!?!

Bricks to Brick Lane!

Dust to Dust,
Ash to Ashes,
Bricks to Brick Lane

The makers of the film "Brick Lane" are no longer going to do any filming in Shoreditch, where the book is set, due to threats of violence from the local Bangladeshi community who were 'insulted' in the book.

"We have been advised by the police and Tower Hamlets council that it is probably best not to film there"

State owned supermarkets?

How do union officials feel when they buy their groceries at private sector shops "driven by profits"?

Do they think state operated supermarkets would offer a broader range of services more competitively!?!

Patricia Hewitt needs to be reminded that the NHS is not run for the benefit of union members but taxpayers and patients. Trades union always defend their members' jobs first and foremost!

Suitable schools

Would there be "suitable" state schools for very bright children in Alan Johnson's constituency if Grammar schools had expanded under Labour?

I don't think it is betraying the human race to send your child to a private school - Education Secretary Alan Johnson

Just betraying the Labour Party Alan!

Does Alan oppose Lincolnshire County Council's plan to stop funding fifty places 'for single mothers (!?!)' at private schools in the county?