Jackie does Dallas!

What's the big deal about Jackie Smith's husband watching porn films, the real scandal is that MPs are allowed to claim any films on expenses!

Dunfermline Rebuilding Society!

Why should English taxpayers be expected to save another failed Scottish financial institution?

Sats boycott

What gives teachers the right to boycott next year's national Sats tests in primary schools?

Any teachers taking part in a boycott should be sacked!

If they are truly worried about damaging a child's education, they should boycott Comprehensives and support the 11+!

Advertising against teenage pregnancies?

If you are a pregnant teenager, would you really want to give up your chance for the following benefits by having an abortion?

• Jump to the top of the council housing list?
• Welfare benefits such as Income Support, Child Tax credits or Sure Start Maternity Grant?
• Childcare?

Nuffin 'appened at school!

Is the reason so many school children have nothing to say about their school day because literally nothing happened at school that day!?!

Far too many schools are still struggling to get more than 30% of their pupils to be awarded A-C grades at GCSE....

The FSA - The Fairly Scary Authority

Gordon Brown need look no further than here for how to imrpove banking regulation - ensure all UK banks are headquartered within walking distance of the FSA at Canary Wharf.

It can surely be no coincidence that all the failed British banks that have been rescued by taxpayers' deep pockets are headquartered outside London...

• Royal Bank of Scotland
• HBOS
• Bradford & Bingley
• Northern Rock

If only FSA employees had spent more time travelling beyond the M25, the present crisis could have been avoided!!

University of England

Will English Universities be better than their Scottish or Welsh counterparts if tuition fees are allowed to increase beyond their current £3,000 limit!?!

Death by a million targets?

Why has it taken four years to notice that death rates in A&E at Stafford Hospital were far higher than average?

Which other hospitals currently have death rates far higher than should be expected!?!

My new wallet

Bank to pump £75bn into economy

"The Bank of England is to create £75bn of new money in an attempt to revive lending and the battered economy."

PS What's wrong with cutting income taxes so hard-working families can keep more of what they earn instead!?!

God damn son of a manse!

Why did Gordon Brown's father, a Scottish manse, fail to teach his son anything about humility and saying sorry?

Gordon frequently quotes his father on every other aspect of life!

Not-so-super Ted

Why on earth is Ted "Chappaquiddick" Kennedy being given an honorary knighthood!?!

Thought Crunching

Government urged to pay allowance to scrap cars over nine years old and assumed to be the biggest polluters.

Last year, the Government increased vehicle excise duty on cars less than nine years old to reduce pollution whilst ignoring older cars!

Fred, keep your pension?

Should the trades unions fear Government attempts to retrospectively claw back Sir Fred Goodwin's pension?

It will set a dangerous precedent for when Government is unable or unwilling to fund the ever burgeoning public sector pensions bill in a couple of decades!

Hot advice!

How much did it cost to advisors to decide that when it's extremely hot you should "swap suits for casual loose-fitting clothes, avoid hot food, drink lots of water and use fans."!?!

Perhaps they can tell me what I should do when it's cold!?!

They might even be working on it now...

Harman on pensions

If Harriet Harman believes that Sir Fred Goodwin is not entitled to a full pension because he has "taken RBS to the brink of collapse, and the bank had been saved only by a massive bailout from government, he was not morally entitled to the money", does she think Gordon Brown should be entitled to a pension!?!

I would contribute to his pension, but only if he retires now!